Quotes that Guide Effective Problem Solvers
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Introduction
I have been teaching and training in negotiation, mediation, communication, and conflict management for almost five decades. During this time, I have discovered a variety of quotes that highlight effective negotiation. This blog entry is devoted to those quotes.
“A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.”
-Norwegian Playwright Henrik Ibsen
Explanation: As an effective negotiator or conflict manager, you want to be persuasive. Research clearly shows that people are more persuaded by people they at least LIKE, if not TRUST. How do you get people to like or trust you? You show them ACTIONS. Words matter, yes. Actions speak louder than words. Your actions can include:
Being logical.
Being an effective problem solver.
Listening.
Summarizing.
Asking questions.
Not jumping to conclusions.
If you make an assumption and it is important, check it out.
Pay attention to your instincts, your gut reaction, your intuition. Then research to check and finally take action.
"The cost of conflict is often more than the price of peace."
Explanation: In many ways, this quote is simply saying pick your battles, pick your fights. Earn respect from others by being discerning. Research seems to indicate that 5-10% of the time, the best way to manage a conflict is to avoid it or lump it. Possibly in avoiding, you are waiting for a better time to discuss or resolve. There may be only 5% of the time, when you fight to the Nth degree. Most conflicts and negotiations are in the middle where you compromise, accommodate, and negotiate.
As an attorney, I am the agent of reality with my clients. I lay out all the options. I describe to them the pros, cons, and interesting aspects of each choice. We look to the short and long term. If the client desires a long term relationship with the other party, this could influence the choice. I ask for their opinion or choice. I explore the reasons for that choice and we go forth.
"The Person Who Chases two Rabbits, catches neither."
Explanation: First understand the rabbits we are chasing in the everyday life—that could be dreams, goals, targets and so on, but most of the time we would not able to catch them—that’s the proverbs states. Let’s understand some reasons behind this scenario. The key factor behind it is a dilution of attention in one task or one goal. If you focus on one goal or one task at a time the possibility of success is higher. On the other hand, if we try to chase two rabbits at the same time it may happen that we catch neither.
This is equally important in negotiation and mediation. During the planning stages, parties need to clarify their goal(s) and their issues. They can also prioritize. An effective negotiation is when the parties share these goals and issues right up front. In this way, the process if focused.
Another way to say this: When you fight for everything, you win nothing.
"If your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."
-Maslow
Explanation: This is a vital and meaningful quote for negotiators and conflict managers.
Imagine a toolbox. An effective negotiator has many tools. One of the purposes of this quote is to expand the number of tools, as well as when and how to use each tool. There may be 10% of the time when the hammer is an efficient tool. An effective conflict manager is flexible.
Research shows that one of the reasons an impasse or stalemate occurs is when the negotiator uses the same tool over and over again, but it is not working.
Remember the old saying? If one finds oneself in a hole, stop digging. If one finds oneself using a communication tool that isn’t working, change the tool. At the same time, there is a concomitant quote: After one stops digging, one is still in a hole J
"A person pushed against their will is of the same opinion still."
Explanation: This is a quote from the agent of reality. Many people believe that negotiation and persuasion is all about pushing and manipulating other people to see a situation their way. This approach could even including threats.
An effective negotiator realizes this is not a lasting approach, especially if a relationship is involved. What is more effective, is providing the other parties enough information so that they can find their own way their own way through the confusion, through the situation, discovering an agreement, an option that will satisfy all the goals of the all parties.
Expert Negotiator Dale Carnegie in his celebrated book How to Win Friends and Influence Others, first published in 1936, asserts that there is only one way to persuade individuals. Throw out the idea, lose ownership of the idea, check the ego, stir the pot of ideas and allow the other party to believe it is their idea. This approach can work along with other persuasion approaches.
A dispute is like an archaeological dig.
- Prudence Bowman Kestner
Colleague and book co-author Prudence Bowman Kestner created this quote which resonated with many. Conflicts can be complex and multi-faceted. Maybe half of the time, what is on the surface of a conflict is what it is. Half of the time it is not. An effective problem solver needs to correctly identify the problem before beginning to resolve it. So, one must get out their archeological brush and brush off the surface. Is there an underlying need or issue?
The concept is similar to Peeling the Onion.
Also, similar to the concept of Russian Dolls (aka Matroyskas). So, one needs to un-nest the dolls to get to the real interest.
The Five Why’s Iterative Communication Approach is also related. Sometimes, one must ask five different question to get to the core of the conflict.
Example:
Problem: The coffee machine is out of coffee.
Why? Because the coffee supplier didn't deliver.
Why? Because the supplier's truck had a flat tire.
Why? Because the tire was not properly maintained.
Why? Because the maintenance schedule wasn't followed.
Why? Because the employees weren't properly trained on maintenance procedures.
Root Cause: Improper training leads to non-maintenance of tires.
Here's a breakdown of the five whys analysis using the DC Jefferson Memorial:
Why is the monument finish degrading? Because of the need to clean off excessive bird droppings.
Why are there so many bird droppings? Because there are a large number of birds in the area.
Why are there so many birds? Because there are many spiders in the area, which the birds eat.
Why are there so many spiders? Because there are many insects, which the spiders eat, in the area.
Why are there so many insects? Because the lights illuminating the monument at night attract these insects.
Summary
Quotes are fun, enlightening reminders. Often, people remember the quotes more than a lecture.
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