Pursuit of Perfection Impedes Effective Negotiation. Instead, Focus on Negotiation Goals

"Perfect” is in the eye of the beholder, and it is unlikely in a conflict situation that all parties will have the same perspective on what is perfect … unless perfection is defined as the resolution of the conflict.  A reframing of the word “perfect” allows it to be achieved? 

-Attorney and Mediator Terry Wheeler, Columbus, Ohio

Amid chaos and protests in Minneapolis, Homan acknowledged that "no organization is perfect"  

-Tom Homan, US Border Czar.

Nothing is Perfect; Nothing is Perfect for me.   

-Song by Metrics Band

I allow myself to be flawed.   The illusion of perfection is an illusion anyway.  

-Amy Adams, Actor.

You Look Perfect To Me

-Ed Sheeran

The perfection is in the flaws, the uniqueness. 

-Prudence Bowman Kestner, former President of I-OPT, Inc. (Institute of Organizational and Personal Transformation)

It is not the mistake, but the recovery. 

-Prudence Bowman Kestner, Founder of I-OPT, Inc.   (Institute for Organizational and Personal Transformation)

Perfection is overrated…highlights that striving for flawlessness often hinders progress, making imperfection and human elements more valuable for growth, connection, and enjoying life's experiences, with variations suggesting "Imperfection is underrated" or that "Perfect is the enemy of good".

-Key figures like Helena Bonham Carter 

Introduction

Wikipedia offers this definition: Perfection is a state, variously, of completeness, flawlessness, or supreme excellence.

The term is used to designate a range of diverse, if often kindred, concepts. These have historically been addressed in a number of discrete disciplines,notably mathematics, physics, chemistry, ethics, aesthetics, ontology, and theology.^[1]

The parallel existence of two concepts of perfection, one strict ("perfection", as such) and the other loose ("excellence"), has given rise, perhaps since antiquity but certainly since the Renaissance, to a singular paradox: that the greatest perfection is imperfection.

Yes, there is an American obsession with the un-obtainable “Perfect.”  According to Psychologist Thomas Curran, perfectionism is on the rise among young people.   He conducted a 30 year study of college age students and discovered there was a 40% rise in perfectionalism.

Perfectionalism is equated with “high standards.” Many job interviewers amusingly tell stories of the sessions. They ask the interviewee about their flaws. Often the interviewee will declare “perfectionalism.” In some ways they are celebrating this flaw…this necessary evil leading to high quality accomplishments.

Evaluations: Many seem to be confused by evaluations. Often the typical evaluation is requesting that one marks a number from 1-10. Some, believe they can never mark “10” because this means perfect and no one can be Perfect. That is not what is meant by “10.”  “10” usually stands for “excellent.” “10” means that all goals have been met.

A typical performance review at work follows a performance plan usually agreed to the year before. The performance plan lays out the metrics for performance measuring. At the performance review, if all metrics have been met then the worker should receive a “10.”    This does not mean the worker is perfect. It does mean that the worker has performed all of the goals.

(BTW, in the District of Columbia after an Uber Lime User rides a bike or scooter, Uber demands an evaluation of one to five stars. It is noticeable that if the user gives 4 or 5 stars, they are not asked for feedback. The user is asked for feedback if they rate the experience 3 stars or less. This seems to indicate that Uber is not after Perfection, but instead an approximate 70% satisfaction is okay.)

Negotiation and Perfect

One often hears negotiators searching for the “perfect” solution, “the perfect agreement,” etc. These negotiators are pursuing an elusive and erroneous path. Instead, negotiators should clearly identify their goals and seek ways to achieve those goals. Seeking “perfection” is subjective and unhelpful.

Perfectionism (P) May Come from Insecurities.

More often than not, perfectionism arises from insecurities, from deficiencies. It emanates from a sense of lacking, not feeling good enough. P is often more about avoiding failures than achieving success. There is a need for validation. It results in excessive striving.

In stress situation, P aggravates. It results in a sense of shame and guilt. As in so many situations, P may be deeply rooted in the parents or parenting. Maybe it emanates from a social situation.

Hidden Brain Podcast, Escaping Perfectionism

Summary according to Hidden Brain: Perfectionism is often celebrated but can lead to negative mental health outcomes like depression and anxiety. Thomas Curran defines perfectionism as avoiding failure rather than pursuing success, with a deficit orientation driving excessive striving for validation. While both high standards and conscientiousness may be present, perfectionists are driven by fear of not being good enough, using perfection to gain approval. When encountering adversity, perfectionists respond with shame and guilt.

Perfectionists May Miss Transformational Moments.

Some negotiators proudly declare, I am a bit of a perfectionist. This type of person prepares and over-prepares. They write a script for the negotiation. They attempt to complete this script without a mistake and if they do, they are proud.

The problem is that negotiations are often complex, often messy. If a negotiator follows this path, they often,

• Miss transformative moments that are unpredictable

• Fail to go with the flow of the negotiation, the ebb and flow

• Miss creative opportunities

Instead, an effective negotiator needs to be flexible, needs to be resilient.

Effective Negotiators Reframe Perfectionism to Achieving Goals

An effective negotiator will evaluate the success of a negotiation to whether the goals have been met.

Planning-Step One of Negotiation: An effective negotiator spends about twice as much time planning as they do negotiating. What does planning entail? 

Negotiators must plan:

• Goals

• Issues and priorities

• Creative options

• The ideal agreement

They remember the old saying by former US President and General Dwight Eisenhower:  

Planning is vital; Plans are useless.

This means that the negotiator must be flexible and resilient. The other negotiators may be unpredictable so adaptation might be necessary.

Another saying by former President Abraham Lincoln is relevant:  When I go to meet with a person, I spend half of my time thinking what I am going to do or say and 2/3 of my time, what the other person is going to say or do. 

This means that an effective negotiator attempts to envision, to predict what the other negotiators might do or say.

Post negotiation:  After the negotiation, success will be measured by whether the goals have been met. If so, success! No need to consider perfection.

Conclusion

ChatGPT does a great (not perfect) job discussing the intersection of the pursuit of perfection, which is aspirational, and negotiation, which is flexible and pragmatic. There needs to be reasonable expectations in negotiation. The negotiation goals should be attainable with an eye towards relationship especially if there is long term interaction among the players or partners.

Additional Resources:

Book:

The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough, by Thomas Curran, 2023.

Research:

The Destructiveness and Public Health Significance of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: A Review, Analysis, and Conceptual Extension, by Gordon L. Flett et al., Clinical Psychology Review, 2022.

Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences from 1989 to 2016, by Thomas Curran and Andrew P. Hill, Psychological Bulletin, 2019.

A Test of Perfectionistic Vulnerability Following Competitive Failure Among College Athletes, by Thomas Curran and Andrew P. Hill, Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2018.

The Cognitive, Affective and Behavioural Responses of Self-Oriented Perfectionists Following Successive Failure on a Muscular Endurance Task, by Andrew P. Hill et al., International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2011.

Perfectionism in the Profession, a Double Edged Sword for Lawyers, Washington Lawyer, February, 2026.

-The legal profession attracts perfectionist for good reason:  precision matters.

-Having high standards is admirable, but perfectionism isn’t simply about standards or work quality.   P becomes a complex psychological pattern… engaging in overly critical self evaluation and worrying about mistakes….

-The question isn’t whether you pursue excellence.  It’s how you pursue it and at what cost.

-The authors distinguish between adaptive vs maladaptive perfectionism.

-Managing perfectionism isn’t about compromising on quality. It’s about reclaiming the energy one is wasting on anxiety and redirecting it toward the work that actually matters.